Your Standards Are Personal Not Universal
What many people struggle to understand is this:
Your standard is not a global policy.
It is a personal decision.
The same way a man has a picture in his mind of the woman he wants — her temperament, her beauty, her submission level, her career choices, her lifestyle — that is his standard.
And nobody reports him for it.
He builds a box.
He designs a lifestyle.
He creates a structure that suits him.
And then he looks for a woman who fits inside it.
So why is it offensive when a woman builds her own box?
You Are Allowed to Design Your Own Life
If a man says,
“I want a traditional wife.”
That’s preference.
If he says,
“I want peace, softness, femininity.”
That’s preference.
But when a woman says,
“I want provision.”
“I want generosity.”
“I want to be pursued intentionally.”
Suddenly, it’s a scam?
No.
It’s clarity.
And clarity intimidates people who were hoping to negotiate you down.
When You Lower Yourself to Fit, You Shrink
The most dangerous thing a woman can do is abandon her own standards just to be chosen.
Because here’s what happens:
You enter his box.
You live by his rules.
You adjust to his comfort level.
You shrink to keep the peace.
And years later, you wake up resentful.
Not because he lied.
But because you agreed.
Apology That Changed Everything
At first, he tried to reduce me.
He attached labels to my name.
Spoke as though standards were arrogance.
As though clarity was delusion.
As though a woman who knows what she wants must be running a scheme.
But here’s what actually happened.
He expected resistance.
He expected embarrassment.
He expected me to soften my tone, water down my expectations, or defend my worth nervously.
Instead, he met composure.
He met a woman who did not flinch.
Who did not over-explain.
Who did not shrink to be understood.
And somewhere in that exchange, the energy shifted.
He realized I was not confused.
I was not bluffing.
I was not negotiating myself.
I was simply unavailable for anything beneath my standard.
That’s when the tone changed.
That’s when the apology came.
And that apology confirmed something powerful:
Sometimes aggression is just wounded ego.
Sometimes a man lashes out not because you are wrong but because he realizes he doesn’t qualify.
And instead of saying,
“We are not aligned, ”
he says,
“You’re unrealistic.”
Not because you are.
But because he cannot access what you require.
And that is not your burden to carry.
For The Ladies READING This
Notice the shift.???
He went from labeling me…
to recognizing I was a woman who will defend herself.
Who will prioritize herself.
Who will not abandon her standards to be liked.
I am not a pick-me.
I have never been.
And I will never be.
You either level up to the life I can already give myself…
or step aside and enjoy the show.
No bitterness.
No noise.
Just my personal STANDARD.
The Power of Being Alone
There is a version of a woman that people quietly fear.
Not because she is loud.
Not because she is unkind.
But because she is not afraid to be alone.
A woman who has mastered solitude cannot be threatened with abandonment. She does not panic at silence. She does not collapse when someone pulls away. She has already met herself in the quiet and she survived.
Being alone is not a punishment. It is preparation.
Preparation to understand your patterns.
Preparation to refine your standards.
Preparation to build a life you are proud of with or without applause.
The most dangerous woman is the one who knows she will be fine either way.
What To Do While You’re Still Single
Valentine’s Day can be noisy. Everyone posting flowers, dinners, soft launches.
But let’s be clear: being single is not a waiting room.
This is the season to build.
Travel alone.
Dress well for yourself.
Take yourself to dinner.
Upgrade your skills.
Save money.
Invest.
Heal.
Learn how you like your coffee.
Learn how you like your space.
Learn how you want to be spoken to.
When you know how you treat yourself, you’ll instantly recognize when someone treats you below that standard.
And that recognition? That saves you from unnecessary heartbreak.
Avoiding Heartbreak & Over-Attachment
Many women don’t fall in love they fall into dependency.
Attachment becomes identity.
Romance becomes validation.
Attention becomes oxygen.
And that’s where heartbreak hurts the most.
If you abandon yourself to love someone, you will panic when they shift.
But when you have built your own routines, your own joy, your own income, your own confidence — love becomes an addition, not a survival tool.
Put yourself first. Always.
Not selfishly in a cruel way but wisely.
You are your own foundation.
Anyone else is joining the structure.
And remember: the person you fall in love with is still their own human being. They can grow. They can change. They can evolve. So can you.
That’s why you never stop choosing yourself.
Love Me in My Love Language
Love is selfless. Love is giving. But giving looks different to everyone.
Some women feel loved through words.
Some through presence.
Some through touch.
And some of us?
We feel loved through generosity, intentional effort, and thoughtful action.
If you say you love a woman, learn her language.
Don’t love her the way you prefer to love.
Love her in the way she receives it.
If her love language is time — show up.
If it’s reassurance — speak clearly.
If it’s generosity — demonstrate effort.
Real love studies you. Then loves you accordingly.
Loving Yourself While Being in Love
Being in love should never cost you yourself.
You can be deeply attached and still independent.
You can be devoted and still disciplined.
You can be soft and still have standards.
Self-love does not stop when romance begins.
In fact, it must increase.
Because when you know how to lift yourself out of sadness, how to book your own trip, how to celebrate yourself, how to buy your own flowers — you don’t cling to love out of fear.
You choose it out of alignment.
This season of Valentine: Celebrate yourself.
Celebrate your growth.
Celebrate your strength.
Celebrate the woman you became when no one was watching.
You are your own constant.
You are your own safety.
You are your own first love.
And when real love arrives; it will meet a woman who already knows her worth.
An Open Letter to My Ladies
Dear Ladies,
If you have read this far, then this message is truly for you.
I want you to remember something that the world will constantly try to make you forget: you are not difficult for having standards. You are not unrealistic for desiring more. You are not “too much” for wanting to be loved correctly.
Romanticize your life first.
Build the life you are proud of before inviting anyone into it. Learn how to enjoy your own company. Learn how to sit with yourself. Learn how to choose yourself, especially when it is uncomfortable.
Because here is the truth: love should complement your life, not complete it.
When you prioritize your growth, your peace, your finances, your healing, your body, your dreams, you reduce the risk of attaching yourself to potential instead of character. You stop negotiating your values for attention. You stop shrinking to be digestible. And when someone reacts negatively to your standards, let that be confirmation not confusion.
Sometimes people label what they cannot rise to. That is not your burden to carry.
To the woman who is single this Valentine’s,
to the woman rebuilding after loss,
to the woman learning to date again,
to the woman quietly choosing herself for the first time:
You are not behind.
You are not late.
You are not missing out.
You are becoming.
And becoming requires courage.
So continue becoming.
Continue refining.
Continue elevating.
Continue protecting your softness without surrendering your strength.
The right person will not be intimidated by your standards.
He will be inspired by them.
With love, growth, and unwavering self-respect.
Yours Always,
Kate Jones
I.D Blog Author
Interracial Dating Blog
MONDAY through FRIDAY
PAT’S BAR
YOUR DATING PROFILE SETS THE TONE
